Post Post Script - A Qantas Leap - to Tiger !

We are back in Melbourne. An 8 hour flight to Sydney and another 8 hours back to Melbourne (East Malvern) - courtesy of Qantas/Jetstar. The flight to Sydney was delayed an hour (no reason given) and when we got to Sydney at 10:30 am, the queue for International passengers transferring to domestic took over an hour to process. Qantas allowed a 100 or so people to go if front of us, while we were in the queue. They had priority because we had missed our flight but they (possibly) had not (yet). So it is less work for them to not have to bump them ! When I told one attendant this was not a good system he simply did not want to listen. Roll on Tiger, Virgin and all the rest. Qantas eventually got us on a 3:30 pm flight (flights leave every half hour but earlier flights were all full) and this only took 'til 5:15 pm to get to Melbourne. Great work a true Spirit of Achievement.

But we are back. Kitty is happy.... and poor Judy will have to sub for me and listen to the detail of ALL the things I did wrong - or forgot to do. I am back to sport to try to shed that extra 1.5 kilo of massive weight that is making me look the shape of Santa Claus.

Cheers

Postscript - Surviving Vietnam

Today is Saigon. A walking tour with key points being the "Presidential Palace" and the War Remnants Museum. TheWRM is mainly photographs and assorted exhibits. It certainly rams home what war does to people and the suffering it causes. I had flashbacks to the fall of Saigon as I stood on top of the"Presidential Palace" and watched in horror as the tourist buses slowly rumbled through the gates. It is time to escape on the next plane (even if it is Jetstar - slightly better than queuing up with the boat people).

My parting tips on surviving Vietnam

1. When crossing the streets of Hanoi forget EVERYTHING you were ever told about crossing streets. Do not look left or right - the constant streams of traffic will terrify you; look straight ahead and walk slowly and steadily across - assume the traffic will swerve around you; NEVER stop and NEVER make a sudden bolt - if you do you will die. Even the Lonely Planet recommends this approach ! Saigon can be similar - but isn't always - more judgement and luck is required

2. Never agree to buy anything until the price is FIRMLY agreed. It is best agreed in writing as 15 can mysteriously become 50 when payment is due. Vietnamese rightly treat people who don't ask for an exact price as the Supreme Intergalactic Idiot - and charge them accordingly.

3. Be careful with your well-educated, mathematically-clever wife. Currency conversion will convert her into a confused, babbler within hours. The first fatal sign is when she announces "I am good at Maths ! I don't need a calculator".

4. Don't let your wife shop in Hoi An or be with you when you shop. Don't even ask why ! Just DON'T DO IT.

5. Vietnam (and Laos) are generally very clean - hotel rooms especially. The only creature larger than a mosquito in our rooms was a solitary small, gecko. No cockroaches or other crawlies. Bathrooms were always spotless (and western style). We saw only one rat, on the last day, in a deserted open, riverside marketplace. However Kitty says she saw another creating blog entries. What does she mean ?

6. Expect to always have a wet bathroom floor after showering. Virtually all hotels have no shower cabinet or screen. The entire floor is the "shower base". In very cheap Laos hotels the water from the basin usually also goes down a pipe straight onto the floor. But the bathroom is still very clean.

7. Travelling to tourist spots like Halong Bay is best done on a booked tour. You have to see the system to understand why. Getting off our boats at Halong bay reminded me of the civilians fleeing Saigon when it fell ! Without help you will not make it. With help it is effortless (usually !)

8. When ordering food NEVER say (as Kitty did) "We'll have what they are eating. The Vietnamese will eat ANYTHING - scorpions, eyeballs, semen, beating snake's hearts, dog, cat .... anything.

9. Never ask the price of anything before midday unless you are definitely going to buy it. The Vietnamese regard the first prospect of the day as setting their luck for the rest of the day. They are distraught if you do not buy something and will pursue you as if their life is in danger without a sale. To them - it is.

10. Bring your own Kleenex tissues - you never see any on sale. If you rely on blowing your nose on toilet paper, then only the toilet paper is happy ("Hey, guys - guess what happened to me - was I lucky !").

See you all real soon.

From some silly old blogger

I said " I dont want your Phuocan sister"

The hotel we are staying in in Hoi An (in Central Vietnam) is very nice like a $200 hotel at home - but only $35. But is is not the one we reserved. The Phuoc An Hotel on the city was what we ordered. But they put us here, in its 'sister' hotel - 4 km out of town. But "Much better, nice river views, more modern, free bicycles, bigger room, etc". So at 10 at night we caved in and stayed there. They do not understand "I dont want your Phuoc An sister !"

But the service is great. Every move is watched to see if you need something. Kitty has trained one of the staff to collect her knife on the first bounce, when she knocks it off the table, and immediately replace it with a new one. They were also happy to change our large room with the great river view for a smaller one at the back overlooking the cemetary - at no extra cost - when Kitty requested it.

We have been in Hoi An for 3 days and only just begun sight-seeing. It is a town of 100s of tailors. And Kitty has been buying jackets, underwear, shoes, pants, etc from them all - with me in tow. And every time I even look at a catalog Kitty gives me a tongue-lashing - "Why are you looking at that !", "Thats entirely the wrong colour", "You already have one of those that you never wear" "We need to save weight for MY things", and "It wont turn out right". So I have decided to give up and become a nudist - Kitty has bought HEAPS and I have bought ABSOLUTELY nothing ! (Well I did sneak in a pair of undies... and some socks... and 4 polo shirts, and 3 casual shirts and 5 pairs of trousers (bugger! Kitty is now nagging me about the 5th pair ....). Anyway she has reduced me to having to drink multiple mango dacquiris and have multiple massages to calm my frayed nerves (and frayed ears).

Hoi An is an old sea-port with a lot of Chinese influence. It has a large beach/resort area a few km down the road, an old heritage area (My Son- a 'Champa' site which is 1000 to 2000 years old and very historic - which is why the US bombed it as a parting gesture), lots of good (and cheap) food and the weather is fine. The rice-fields, river, palm trees, etc. finally look like the REAL Vietnam - you know - the one in "Apocalypse Now". A good place to come for a beach holiday rather than Byron Bay - and probably cheaper overall.

Well the end is near (not just of my marriage - but also of the holiday) tomorrow am we fly to Saigon (aka HCMC) and tomorrow night - to home. In Vietnam we can create this blog but we cannot actually see the blog and its comments (we dont know why). WE hope you readers are not having this trouble but if you are - please let us know by e-mail

Regards
Murphy

Photos from Halong Bay

Relaxing on the top deck of the junk - luxury accommodation down below

Not from Halong Bay - back in Louang Prabang Laos (forgot to post earlier)

Everyone wants more of my Dong ! .. A Karst of thousands

The further south we go the more of my dong they want. Kitty still cannot handle the Dong satisfactorily, but she is getting better at it. She is only out by a factor of up to 2 now not 10 but still haggles over over 12,000 dong. I tell her it is only 80 cents she is haggling over. She says "No... It is .... um...eh, let me see.... its only 75 cents". After 30 years I still do not know how her mind works. But she should at least appreciate the $1 calculator I bought her for Christmas.

Halong Bay is 3 hours bus trip from Hanoi. The bay is large and a 2 hour Junk trip (motorised boat) gets you to Cat Ba Island. Cat Ba is a large island surrounded by a karst of 1000s. Actually 1969 karsts - strange small limestone islands that rise straight up, 30-100 metres, from the sea. You would rapidly get lost among them - they are so close and so many. In the mist it is true Pirates of the Caribbean stuff. The boat was 50-70 ft long probably and was set out like a hotel. As many waiters (in white uniforms) as passengers, excellent fresh seafood (no doubt taken from the many live fish tanks actually in the sea); accomodation was better than many of our hotels.

Cat Ba Island is interesting but can be missed - especially if in a mist, winter period. Our hotel on Cat Ba was very good. Set meals in a small cafe (all included in package was OK but not what we wanted). The Aussie couple we ate with told us they went off later and had a moccha creme brulee dessert for $4 at a restaurant whose name they forgot. Rapidly summing them up, and pf the 100 cafes nearby I presumptuously said "Was that at the Green Mango ?" Yes they replied in surprise. Kitty glowered at me ! " How did you know that ?" she demanded ! " I eat there all the time", I replied indifferently. Kitty glowered even more. "YOU WENT AND READ ALL THE MENUS AT THE CAFES AND REMEMBERED THE DESSERTS !", she said triumphantly ! No, Kitty - I am not Rainman; after 30 years of marriage she still has NO idea how I think !

Next and last real stop is off to Hoi An tonight. It is half way to HCMC (Ho Chi Minh City aka Saigon) - and, I am told, a must see.

Regards
Captain Jack Sparrow

We got a ticket to ride ... but they don't care

America spent untold Billions trying to stop Vietnam becoming what it is today - a communist country. Why ? We see (apart from the occasional flag) only two signs of the old communist terror we feared so much. One is early morning exercise. Citizens still do their 4BX or whatever at 5:30 am religiously, just as Ho taught them. The other is more serious. Rules MUST be obeyed. No exceptions. But you can get around them provided you follow the letter of the rule. When we got off the overnight train from Sa Pa to Hanoi at 5:00 am they would not let us off the station until we showed our ticket. Kitty had left them as rubbish on the train. I went back to the train but it was locked. They would not let me on. Stalemate. Kitty tried to leave the station but was stopped. And our money was low. I envisioned myself as Viktor Navorski (Tom Hanks) in the film "The Terminal". I found one boy who said he could solve our problem - for 50,000 dong ($4). Meanwhile Kitty brazenly took tickets that had already been collected and put on the table. The official knew what she was doing but turned a blind eye. We handed over the tickets and were let through. The rule that every passenger must hand over a ticket had been obeyed - so all was well !

Similarly at Sapa we had meal tickets. No ticket no meal ! But no problem you go to the front desk and they write you another one ! But don't try to get bacon with your eggs if you are on the set menu. They have bacon but paying extra for bacon is "not possible". You could of course order an extra meal of eggs and bacon from the a la carte menu. True Basil Fawly country.

Anyway the weather at Sa Pa was great (which is unusual) - did lots of treks to the hill-tribes and spent LOTS of time trying to get rid of the pesky hills-tribe woman ("You buy from me ! No, you buy from me" ad nauseum). Hopefully our next three days at Halong Bay and the following three at Hoi An will be less hassle free. Then back to Kevin Country.

Photos from Hanoi and Sapa

Eating like the locals do - on the street (yummy food)

The Tran Quoc pagoda - oldest in Hanoi

views on today's trek and motor bike ride in Sapa (far north Vietnam)

Hang Man & One for all - NOT

Hang Manh is a street in Old Hanoi. A tiny street stall there - the Bun Cha sells Spring Rolls cooked on the spot in its tiny shop front there. It cost $2 for a decent meal for two ! Big deal. Well big enough to make the Lonely Planet Blue list this year for places to eat. The rolls come with a plate of soup, a plate of noodles, a plate of some meat, a plate of garlic and chilli, a plate of mint and a plate of vegies. You mix it all in how you wish. Excellent stuff.

The streets on old Hanoi are usually named after a 'guild'. One street does tin-smithing, another blacksmithing, another sells silk, another is 'counterfeit street' - it makes counterfeit money to burn as offerings to a counterfeit god. All look like they belong in Victoria market.

Mr. Hung our hotel owner (City Gate) was great. He was always cheerful, arranges everything (all our trips), drove us around on his motorbike, works about 22 hours a day, has two wives and seven children ("Maybe I will have a third wife and more children. Why not?" ). However Kitty found being on his motorbike - with all her luggage - hair-raising. Especially when I told her that he was weaving and ducking between constant traffic, at night, with no lights at all (not even stop lights) !

Anyway he send us to Sa Pa up in the hills, north west of Hanoi, and very close to China. Nine hours by train - but in an overnight sleeper. Deep valleys, high mountains, cascading terraces, colorfully-dressed Montagnard, Black H'mong and Red Dzau hill-tribes. Great place - except everyone constantly hassles you to buy something. They are not as persistent as in India - but still stress the little Kittykins out. She freaked when I bought a jar of Tiger Balm for 15,000 dong ($1) - and our local guide was also amazed. He was only able to bargain them down to 20,000 dong.

Only one yobbo Australian on our 2 hour trek today. His mate was in hospital - not for his act of drinking a cocktail with fresh snake blood in it - and also the snake's still beating heart, nor for drinking the whisky with large scorpions in it (great for male virility - they say) - but for coming off a motorbike whilst wearing thongs and stripping his toe to the bone.

Fortunately I survived today's motorcycling to the highest pass in Vietnam (2100 m) and back. The roads were horrendous as they were slowly rebuilding the entire distance. At one stage we had to drive through a horrendous traffic jam as trucks in each direction caused total chaos. However on the way back we had to stop and wait for 5. Five what?- minutes, no the control-freak controller counted out - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 in his analog watch. Ah 25 minutes - yes he said. No we found out - wait until 5 o'clock ( 1 hour) to get through. In freezing cold - and I had no jumper ! Kitty eventually went and sat in a bus and caught it home - leaving me to race the bike back by its due time.

Vale Kitty

Poor kitty has died !
No, not MY kitty but Judy's Kitty. In the Sheard household this is more tragic than the loss of a husband (MUCH more). I am doing my best to hold a vigil with one minutes silence by the Scarletts - but this is proving very difficult (I have no bayonet - see previous post). At least I can check to see how they embalmed Ho. A mouse-oleum at the back of the Sheard household seems most appropriate.
Commiserations, Judy - I hope you are still not wearing black on Christmas day.

GOOD MOOOOOOOORNING VIET NAM ! Ho, Ho.

Flew into Hanoi last night. Thanks to Terry Scroggie (a Canadian we met) we booked (with some communication problems) a hotel in Hanoi - the City Gate. The owner, Mr Hung, is more helpful than Mr. Wong at American Express ! He had us picked up at the airport and driven (in true James Bond fashion) to his hotel - a real mad mouse trip. Today we toured the city visiting Uncle Ho (we actually saw him - he is not dead - just resting), and the HCM memorial. The queue to 'visit' him' is about a kilometer long and viewers are checked and controlled as if they were in a prison line-up. I thought Kitty was going to be bayoneted for talking when told not to (No Mark, bayonetted by the guards - not by me).

Ho Chi Minh was an interesting person. I must read more on his history. He actually tried to get the French to improve the rights of the Vietnamese at the Versailles Conference in 1919. But failed. The French come out as absolute bastards. Forget Liberty, equality and freedom (which is what Ho asked for). After 1945 Michelin Rubber indentured some 47,000 Vietnamese for their business. 12,000 died. Shades of Leopold's Belgian Congo. But the Vietnamese have a long history of beating invaders - from Kublai Khan to the Chinese, French and Americans. Good on them !

Hanoi is an amazing place. A chaotic cacophony. It is like a huge Victoria Market at Christmas with half the people on motorbikes. Watching two streams of motorbikes criss-cross an intersection at right angles is amazing. It is like a precision circus act. Unfortunately the sidewalks in the old city are impassable due to thousands of parked bikes, pavement restaurants and rubbish so you have to walk on the road with the kamikaze traffic. Not for the faint-hearted. No rubbish bins so by night the rubbish is again like Vic Market at close of business. At least they sweep the streets before dawn.

Well off to the Water puppet show. Apparently you either love it or hate it. Keep posted

PS - Ho Chi Minh was not his real name - he was another of those ubiquitous annoyin' Nyugens. But he did has some 50 other aliases. But - if you believe the literature - he was one of the most dedicated and greatest men of the last millenium. Oops - now I'm on ASIOs files ! Even my face is going red (I must join the Labour Party - Yvonne - now I'm an out-of-the closet commie)

Good Evening Laos

Well it is goodbye to Laos. Our last day was a trip to an elephant camp and the Tad Se waterfall some 20 km out of Louang Prabang. General overall impressions of Laos are
- people are much calmer and less intrusive than in other parts of Asia
- all accommodation is spotlessly clean
- $5 and $40 accommodation generally doesn't differ by much - cheaper end has no TV or fridge and the water from the sink may pour out straight on the bathroom floor (which gets wet anyway whenever you have a shower.
- cheap as chips and quite a lot to do - if you don't become a member of the Seinfield set
-Vang Vieng was one of the most interesting places - a backpackers' paradise. Louang Prabang has (as a town) more of a French Indochina atmosphere. Vientianne is nothing special.
- staying in a Khmou village with 600 natives, no toilet facilities and only one bamboo pipe in a stream (200 m away) for washing, showering and for general water supplies, plus sleeping in a bamboo hut on a bamboo floor is a new way of living.
- always wear slip-off sandals in Laos. Removing shoes at every guesthouse, temple, shop, and massage parlour, and when crossing numerous rivers is an absolute pain. Be careful when retrieving your sandals to select the best pair available.
- needed more time to go north of Loung Prabang to Muang Ngoi. Maybe next time.
- it is hard spending 100,000 kip for food and drink for two at a good restaurant. The mind cannot accept it. Tis why Kitty always assumed it was only 10,000 Kip each time. But given that a good Melbourne house can easily cost 10, 000, 000, 000 kip one can lose perspective.

Good Evening Laos.

Listening to the Rice Grow

There is a saying over here. " The Vietnamese grow rice. The Cambodians watch the rice grow. And the Laotians listen to the rice grow". Yes we are truly in Seinfield Land - and Kitty is loving it. Louang Prabang is on the Mekong in the deep North of Laos - 10 hours bus from Vientianne. It is like a setting from a Somserset Maugham story. Any moment Sydney Greenstreet or Peter Lorre might appear in our Cafe. Darwin and beyond is inhabited by the "Grey Nomads". The equivalent in Louang Prabang are the Seinfield Nomads. Cashed up retirees (or near-retirees) who just want to stroll and chat and "do nothing". Unfortunately they have pushed up the price of everything (except massages and the Internet) by at least a factor of 2 in the last two years. Kitty chats to them all - between (or during) meals. Meanwhile I "chill out" with a one or two hour massage.

Kitty should not pick on me re sandals. I have told her for a week she needs to wear sandals on treks (you can pick them up anywhere ! - I did ! Any guesthouse, restaurant, Wat or Internet cafe has lots outside their doors). But no she has to wear her shoes and socks - and remove them up to 7 times in two hours as we trek through 7 creeks. And I don't tell stories about her ! I don't discuss how she got into the hotel and within one minute placed the only toilet roll on top of an open 12-inch-high jar on the floor that was filled with water and then screamed for my assistance. (At least the tissues were soft after that - very soft). Nor how she is still a factor of 10 out (either way) on EVERY currency conversion.

Well tomorrow off to Hanoi - by the sounds of it, the chase for the tourist dollar in India is mild compared to Hanoi. Yet another world.

Louang Prabang and my husband the thief

On Monday we had a 6 hour bus trip from Vang Vieng to Louang Prabang - stunning scenery and not scary - the Lao people drive very carefully. Not a trip for those that get car sick - hundreds of hairpin bends. Two hours shorter would have been better but it was ok. Spent the first day looking around the old city, chatting to other tourists, crossing the Mekong to do a 2 hour circuit walk to old temples, and expanding our massage experience - we had the "Louang Prabang Experience" - a 1 hour oil massage, followed by another hour of steam treatment and then seaweed (with papaya, lemon, honey) being rubbed all over you and left to dry. Very relaxing to say the least.

Yesterday morning we started a 2-day trek/kayak. Must have climbed about 700m yesterday. We spent the night in a primitive village - we were exhausted and went to bed at 8 but literally right outside our mosquito net the locals partied on until well after midnight. Then one rooster started crowing at 4 am and all the others followed. When they realised it wasn't even light yet they shut up - until the real dawn at around 5 am. So I wouldn't say we had a great night's sleep. Today we hiked down to the river for about 2 hours and then did a very pleasant 3 hour kayak on the river with only a few baby rapids to contend with. (see photo below).

Half way up yesterday Graeme all of a sudden said "I don't think these are my sandals". InLaos you have to remove your shoes before entering a guest house or massage place. Graeme has no idea where he picked up someone else's sandals. They were the same style with velcro but his were grey and the ones he now has are brown!! Still that's not as bad as the time he collected his car from the garage where it had been serviced, drove to Melbourne uni and when they wouldn't let him in he indignantly said "But I have a parking permit. See the sticker on the windscreen". Trouble was there was no sticker as had taken another Datsun 1600; not his. No problem - he drove it back to the garage, parked next to his car, hopped out and drove off in the correct car!

sunset Louang Prabang

early morning alms giving to the monks

children we passed on our trek

the village we stayed in overnight

kayaking on the Nam Ou

a final swim before the drive back to town

Who said "You cannot teach an old Muntz new ..."

Well Kitty is having a 'little' difficulty' with the currency. I told her to buy a $2 calculator but she refused "I am good at maths !"she replied. But not with BIG numbers. In Laos anyone can be a millionaire. A really good meal for two can cost 100,000 Kip. But this is about $10 Australian. Kitty cannot cope with a 100,000 expenditure for a meal. She has to think 10,000 or 1000. Result - total confusion. We withdrew 1, 1417,000 Kip the other day. Kitty counted it out assuming it was 17,000. No - she cannot cope with these big numbers.

But we have had a win with hiking. Kitty refused to buy thongs or sandals. Until we did a day hike across MANY rivers. Taking shoes and socks off every 10 minutes was a disaster. She tried walking barefoot across streams but needed a guide to hold her up and she looked as if she was doing a Stephen Hawkins impression when crossing streams. Today she gave in and wore thongs (maybe in a week it will be sandals).

Today we hiked, caved and tubed. A day trip (including a chicken shashlick and rice lunch) cost $11 each - and only 5 in the group . Superb scenery, walks and tubing into deep subterranean caves, and a leisurely 2 hour tubing down the river to Vang Vieng. The backpackers LOVE tubing. Lots of bars (the alcoholic kind) on the way, and water swings, flying foxes etc .

Our hotel in Vang Vieng (the Sivixay) was nice and cheap - $6 a night. All hotels in Laos are spotless but this one was very noisy. Hang the cost - today we moved into a $15 p.n. guesthouse (the Grand View - very appropriately named) on the river. Spotless, meeeting the RL test, and with superb views of the mountains and the river . The sunset from the balcony was stunningly romantic - it is a pity Kitty was sound asleep and missed it ! Photos in Kitty's post.

Vang Vieng - a back-packer's delight

a suspension bridge we crossed on our mountain trek

tubing down the Nam Song

view from the balcony in our guest house